[identity profile] windscryer.livejournal.com posting in [community profile] read_the_wind

Rating: K
Genre: Humor
Mental whumpage ahead for both characters and readers. By reading on you expressly consent to provide for your own mental welfare through whatever treatment may be required. The author refuses to accept responsibility of a moral or monetary nature for any therapy, pharmaceutical or otherwise, required as a result of reading this fanfic or any crimes or other bad things caused by not pursuing the aforementioned therapy. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.
Spoilers: SG-1's Ripple Effect
Characters/Pairing: Rodney McKay, John Sheppard, Teyla Emmagen, Ronon Dex, Carson Beckett, Elizabeth Weir
Length: 1327
Disclaimers: If I did own them, they'd probably taken away after this.  *sigh*

“What if it had happened here? They wanted a ZPM, right? Well we've got more here in Pegasus than they do on Earth and more resources to get additional ones. Can you imagine? Thirty-four Rodney McKays?"


"Forty-seven of them?" Sheppard repeated in disbelief.

"Yes," Elizabeth confirmed, "though not all were SG-1 and even those that were didn't necessarily have all the same personnel. In fact, one of the teams didn't have any of the four from our team."

"It sounds as though it would be very confusing," Teyla said.

"Exactly," Sheppard agreed. "How could you be sure you had the right SG-1 from all the SG-1s that had the right four people?"

"Well there were differences," Elizabeth pointed out.

"But only in what they said or how they acted," he countered. "And if they paid enough attention or got into the computer to compare differences, it could have become very confusing. It certainly would have taken a lot longer."

"I can't believe I missed that!" Rodney all but whined from his spot on the end of the table.

"Are you sure you'd want to be there?" Sheppard asked.

"Of course!" he exclaimed as if it were an exceptionally stupid question. "Thirty-four Samantha Carters in one room? Like going to heaven only without having to die first!"

"And at least thirty-four new ways to be rejected," the colonel pointed out. "You are a glutton for punishment, McKay."

Rodney raised a finger. "Ah, but with thirty-four different realities, who's to say that they all know me or dislike me? It's entirely possible that somewhere in that room was a Samantha Carter who would give her right arm to be with me. And almost half of them were married according to the report. One of them could have been married to me in another reality."

"That's true, but just think how disappointed she would have been when she found out what you were like in this one. Besides, none of them were married to you in any reality. And most of them did know you and all of them at least disliked you, if not outright hated you."

"What? How do you know?" Rodney demanded.

"Mitchell forwarded me a report that he compiled on the stats."

"That he made up," Rodney said dismissively.

"Well you can always ask either Teal'c or Daniel. They were both there for different parts of the survey."

"And they're on his team," Rodney added with a sneer. "Of course they'd agree with him. They like him better than they like me and, more importantly, they like Sam."

"Oh my . . ." Carson suddenly piped up.

"What is it, Carson?" Elizabeth asked. The Scot had gone sheet white and looked to be on the verge of either passing out or throwing up.

"I just realized . . . What a nightmare."

That caused confused expressions around the table.

"How do you mean?" Teyla asked.

"What if it had happened here? They wanted a ZPM, right? Well we've got more here in Pegasus than they do on Earth and more resources to get additional ones. Can you imagine? Thirty-four Rodney McKays?"

The room went dead silent and all eyes went to where Rodney sat.

"He's got a point," Rodney said thoughtfully. "It would have been smarter because that many of me and we could probably figure out how to build a ZedPM." He suddenly realized that the looks being sent his way were varying degrees of horror, not curiosity.

Scowling, he snapped, "What?"

"We'd have to evacuate before we were smothered by the ego," Sheppard said, sounding as though the idea of evacuation kind of appealed to him right then.

"Hey!" Rodney protested.

"We'd starve to death," Ronon muttered, sounding almost feral as he contemplated it, his eyes darting between the others at the table, measuring them to determine who he'd need to take out first.

"Oh you would not!" Rodney retorted.

"Wouldn't we?" Ronon snarled.

"Rodney's right, actually. It wouldn't go that far," Elizabeth put in.

"Thank you, Eliz-"

"Aye, because everyone would be committing suicide long before that point," Carson said.

"Exactly," Elizabeth agreed.

Rodney just glared at them both.

"Or perhaps," she continued, "to best contain the problem and eliminate the risk all at once, the city's self-destruct would be activated."

"What?! Now come on-"

"No perhaps about it," Sheppard countered. "It would be the only solution, the only way to protect Earth. I'd do it myself."

Silence reigned for a few long moments as they all became lost in the nightmarish visions and Rodney gaped in disbelief.

"I need to go . . . get some air," Elizabeth said as she pushed away from the table and all but ran for the door, her chair spinning to a stop behind her.

"I need to go with her," Sheppard added and hurried after her. "Elizabeth, slow down!"

"Not gonna happen, John!" could be heard as her footsteps and voice grew fainter.

Teyla stood slowly and walked to the door with great dignity, but it was obvious she was making an effort to appear unaffected--and not quite succeeding. As soon as she was out of sight of the room rapid footsteps could be heard receding into the distance.

Ronon didn't leave in a hurry, but his movements were measured and careful, as though he were stalking a Wraith--or evading one. He had no weapons out, but the way his hand twitched at his side near his holstered gun wasn't terribly reassuring.

Carson had frozen with fear at the thought of all those McKays, but when he realized that it would soon be just him and Rodney left in the room he shot to his feet.

"Ronon! You can't leave me with him!"

"Sorry, Doc. Sacrifices must be made." With that he spun and fled as well, disappearing in a flash of tan and dark brown.

"Barbarian," Carson muttered. "You're worse than the Wraith!" he yelled but got no response despite being sure Ronon had heard him. Then he remembered why he didn't like the Setadan all of a sudden and with a strangled yelp glanced at Rodney and then bolted.

Rodney just continued to stare at the door for a few long moments, then managed to close his mouth. Pulling his computer to himself he dragged a finger over the touchpad to deactivate the screensaver. It took all of three seconds and one double click to bring up the city's control schematics.

"They're worried about having thirty-four Rodney McKays in Atlantis, eh? Oh I think one is more than enough to worry about. The real question is do I disable the hot water heaters first or reverse the flow on their toilets every time they flush?" He paused momentarily to consider, then began typing.

"Toilets first. Then hot water. Let them have something to contemplate while I decide how best they can make their apologies. And for how long . . ."

I warned you. Now go see the nice men in white coats. They should have your elephant-tranquilizer-strength sedatives ready for you. Hopefully you won't dream. Especially since you won't be able to wake up . . . BWA-HA-HA-HA-HA!

Review, please and thanks! :D

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read it on the wind

July 2009

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